I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
