I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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