I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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