You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We left the knife in your bed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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