I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
