he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
