I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i would punch a child for taco bell
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
