Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
