hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I cockslap morals
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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