I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
