I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
