By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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