Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
