you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The Olympian is in my bed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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