i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
