i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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