I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
