why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
