i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
