Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
