he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
