Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
