I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
