I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
