I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
