Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
