Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
