I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
