So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
