i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
