Pants 0. Shit 1.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
