There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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