your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
