Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
