Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
