I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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