im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
