You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
