she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
