Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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