I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
