saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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