I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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