I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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