Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
