so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
