You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
