with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
