I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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