It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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