sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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