K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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