hotel room ftw
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We need to get me chipped asap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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